My Life is NOT Perfect! Dealing with Future Anxiety, Rejection and Comparison


“Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one who finds the gold.“

Aberdeen Scotland Beach

Hey loves! Long time, no see. Lately I have been a little bit MIA here on my blog, mainly because I have run out of pretty photographs, my schedule with university, internship and job is quite busy and I was just lacking inspiration and motivation to blog. Also, my overall mood during the last few weeks was just not the best and shaped by many ups and downs. 

Being at university I have experienced a lot of overthinking, questioning and wondering - much more often than what is usual for me. I have also been going through many applications for part-time jobs and internships, which the former didn’t go that well unfortunately. All of that has brought up feelings of rejection, comparing myself with others as well as future anxiety. When people look at my social media and my blog, they sometimes think that my life is more perfect than it actually is. On social media we tend to only show the happy moments - travel adventures, achievements we are proud of, night outs with our friends - we create a highlight reel of our life. And truth to be told, that is all it really is. I only post the positive, because I think that this is what inspires the people most. What I don’t realise is that this is exactly what triggers comparison. We compare ourselves people that don’t even exist in that way. We get jealous over illusions. I know that everybody has to deal with those thoughts and feelings at some point in their lives. Therefore I would like to write down some of my thoughts and share with you guys, why my life is NOT perfect either

Aberdeen Scotland Beach

 “Trust that when the answer is no, there is a better yes down the road.“

Coming back to Scotland after Christmas, I was so motivated and keen on getting my first ever part time job, so I sent out loads of applications and even got some interviews. Unfortunately, I never succeeded at scoring the job. And with me never having to experience that kind of rejection before, it obviously sucked a lot. I was really upset, I cried my eyes out and I annoyed my friends with messages that were only consisting of crying emojis. I don’t think that there is anything that can prevent rejection from hurting so bad. It is is absolutely okay to be sad and also completely normal to be fed up with trying, at least for some time. However, what I think then makes the biggest difference between successful and unsuccessful people, is that successful people get over themselves and keep trying. I know that you naturally don’t want to do it, but in order to succeed you just have to force yourself. I once read this quote which was something like “What makes people successful is that even when 10 doors get slammed in their face, they put on a smile and walk happily to door 11“. People who succeed, are the people who fail most, as they are the ones who try again and again. Did you know that Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for “lacking imagination“ and “having no original ideas“? Rejection doesn’t define you. It re-directs you to something better. 

“The fastest way to kill something special, is to compare it to something else.“ 

As millennials we spend majority of our time scrolling through social media and seeing what everyone else is doing. That naturally triggers comparison, which sadly makes us feel bad about ourselves. Comparison is the biggest thief of joy. Lately I compared myself quite a lot to my friends, seeing how they are successful at finding a job, scoring internships and getting good grades at university. However, I always try to remind myself that you can’t compare your university courses, your grades or your jobs - you can compare nothing at all. You have to learn that you can’t compare yourself to others, because everyone is unique and everyone has their own unique lives under different circumstances, with different values and different talents. The key to deal with comparison successfully, is to only evaluate your doings and accomplishments in your personal set of opportunities, and not in someone else's. Everyone gets their own unique paths to choose from. So it is not about what path the others choose from their selection, but which path you choose from your selection. It is about what you make out of your chances, not what others make of theirs. You must only focus on yourself. 

“Our anxiety doesn’t come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.“ - Kahlil Gibran

In the last few years I have grown into a person, that values having everything planned out. I love organising, planning out my time, having routines - being a little bit of a control freak, you know. It has its good sites: getting stuff done, being organised and productive and having an inner ambition and motivation. However, it also has its bad sites: overthinking, overanalysing and overdoing. Some weeks ago, I somehow got really stressed out about the upcoming summer in Germany as I don’t have a summer job yet and I also haven’t scored any internships. I started getting anxious so much, that I started crying and my chest felt really heavy. The only thing that helped me in that situation was writing down all my thoughts and making (as vain as that sounds) a pro and contra list about if it is really the end of the world if I don’t have a paid internship in my first year of university. And I obviously came to the conclusion that it was not! I wrote down in my journal: “It is the fear of a future that I haven’t planned and the fear of regret that I might waste my time“. To be fair, the thought of the unknown can be quite daunting, and not wanting to regret anything is understandable as well. But sometimes you just “have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future“ - Steve Jobs. Because “maybe happiness isn't in the choosing. Maybe it's in the fiction, in the pretending: that wherever we have ended up is where we intended to be all along.” - Lauren Oliver. (Yeah I am quite obsessed with my quotes). What I just want to say is that you don’t need to have it all figured out to be able to move forward. Sometimes the most amazing things happen unplanned. You never know what will be tomorrow.

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